I was reading a friend's blog the other day and he mentioned having a day of mental time travel and it really struck me and got me thinking. A lot of people resort to mental time travel as a form of escapism. When times are difficult, when their hearts are broken, when they are mourning they transport themselves back to a happier time to numb or even avoid the pain of the present time and environment. I realized that I've been resorting to escapism to avoid engaging in mental time travel. Rather than remembering past happy times that I know are long gone and only make the present more painful, I've been resorting to anything I can to control my mind and keep me in the present. Cleaning, exercise, sleeping, drinking - you name it, I've been at it... except illicit drugs.  I know that it's not healthy but I also know that I'm not ready to casually revisit those times. 

Much of the problem with this reflection is that I never received the closure that I needed. But after a good long conversation last night, I think I may have that closure. I definitely feel more at peace and I think - I hope - that now I will be able to move on. It's the least I can do for myself. I owe Pat a big thank-you.